Read Luke 24:1-12
At daybreak on the first day of the week the women who had come from Galilee with Jesus took the spices they had prepared and went... Read More…
Meet Sister Anne-Louise Nadeau
Sister Anne-Louise is currently in ministry in Washington DC at Pax Christi, USA as Director of Programs. Read More…
We never thought it would end like this
By early evening on Friday, not knowing of anywhere else to go, we all trudged our way back to the upper room. We were stunned, disoriented, exhausted and terrified. The depth of our sadness was beyond belief yet palpable.
Attempts at conversation ended in loud, angry arguments, attacking each other on how we had not seen this coming, while others insisted that Jesus had predicted his death by urging us to go to Jerusalem and that he had prepared us all along for this event and what we were to expect.
All his words felt empty now, devoid of hope, they were promises that we were naïve and gullible enough to believe. So much for the ‘coming of the kingdom’ that Jesus promised. That wasn’t going to happen.
Some of us sat in solitude lost in thoughts while overwhelming feelings washed over us. We could not absorb the brutal torture, the unfair trial and the ultimate execution we had witnessed and what made it worse was that it was our friend. This meant the end of everything we had dreamed and hoped for with him.
None of us really slept that night, tossing and turning and reliving the nightmare we had witnessed. Some of us yelled and cried while others of us just sat up all night staring into nothingness. Each one of us was re-living in our minds our relationship with Jesus, both individually and as a group struggling to make sense of how it all could have all gone so wrong.
In the morning, the crowds were still thick in the city, people preparing to return to their homes after the Passover Festival, so it’s noisy outside. Where are we supposed to go from here? What are we supposed to do? It’s a known fact in Jerusalem that we were friends of Jesus, and that alone will make us suspicious characters to those who tried and found Jesus guilty. We were guilty by association.
How could we have been so stupid and blind…following him like we did…believing in what he said…watching him heal and forgive…what good was all of that? The promises he made to us make no sense now. Our disillusionment was paralyzing.
Things used to be so clear, but now…
we’ve lost the one on whom we got our bearings
the one in whom we placed our trust
the one who gave us self-confidence in the face of fear
the one who told great stories and who explained those we did not understand
the one we ate and drank with only two nights ago
the one who made us feel like we mattered, like we were family
the one who took us aside and gave us wisdom
the one who claimed that we were ‘called and chosen’
the one we insisted that we were willing to die for
Little did those gathered in the upper room guess that at dawn the following morning the women would reveal an event and an announcement that would make all the difference…”Don’t look for Jesus among the dead…he is risen…as he said!”